Unpacking My Bag

I’m inspired by Cleo Wade’s words: 

“There can be no flow without the spirit of flexibility.  Allow yourself to be flexible.  When we walk into situations feeling so sure of who we are and what we know, we are unable to create space for others or our own personal growth.”  (excerpt from Heart Talk by Cleo Wade, page 57)

This time in our lives demands flexibility, and I was thinking about how infrequently I approach my life with the intention to be flexible.  I have many fixed ideas in my mind, stories about myself, others, and relationships.  The ideas are so deeply embedded in me that I’m not even aware of them.  Maybe these ideas were true at one point, and if I’m still carrying them with me, they obviously made an impact.  But I have to wonder how these rigid concepts are serving me, especially in a time where EVERYTHING is fraught.  When will this pandemic end?  Who is going to win the election? What will happen to our country? Will the problems ever stop? What should I do? Does anything I do make a difference?

You get the idea.  

I often arm myself with the memories of past experiences before I enter into the present, especially when I’m working in relationship with someone else.  If I need to see people I struggle with, I pack an emotional backpack filled with the ways I’ve felt hurt by them, and I bring it with me to protect myself.  As long as I can remember what happened before, I can defend against it happening again.   This is an unconscious process.  Meanwhile, I am consciously focusing on living from a space of love, but the love doesn’t have much space or energy to work with.  My bag is heavy, the experience drains me. 

After reading and thinking about Cleo Wade’s words, I thought about Beginner’s Mind, the concept of bringing a blank slate to every experience you have, as if it’s the first time you’re trying it.  It’s hard to bring a beginner’s mind to anything if you’re not aware of the beliefs you built to protect yourself.  I’m trying to allow for these things to rise up into my consciousness so I can make choices about how I want to practice relationships and life.  When I’m alone, I usually feel A-OK, in my own bubble of peace.  It’s when I have to interact with others that the shit hits the fan.  And since I ALWAYS need to interact with others, I’d like to do better!  If I allow flexibility into my thinking, I can wonder about how things will go, I can have some hope, I can be surprised and maybe even delighted by what happens next.  I don’t have to write the end of the story before the story even begins.  I can give people a chance, extend a little grace. 

This kind of flexibility is so important in building resilience and compassion in ourselves.  We need these things as we struggle through 2020.  We don’t know how this year is going to end.  If we maintain flexible thinking, it could open up just enough space for us to find a little joy, a smile, a connection, something different than what we expect.